Abiola Abrams' TUMBLR | Author of Dare, TV Big Mouth, Passionista | Lifestyle Expert As seen on MTV's "MADE"
How The Internet Changed My Sex Life | Audrey Magazine
I was a guest columnist for Audrey Magazine’s Fall 2011 issue. Here’s a snippet of my piece on how online dating has altered the way we choose partners:
With the array of choices online, it’s tempting to rely on search features that comb through user databases to spit out results based on age, ethnicity, religion, education and even dietary preferences. The criteria with which you can assess potential partners range from the trivial (pet ownership status) to the maddeningly obscure (foreign languages spoken). Should a romantic decision really come down to whether someone is more of a dog person or a cat person? The Internet can make dating seem like an interview process. It’s easy to get caught up in looking for the next best thing or to falsely believe that you don’t need to compromise on your vision of an ideal partner or relation- ship, because there’s always that elusive better offer.
In this day and age, what happens virtually isn’t distinct from “the real world”; it’s part of it. I think OkCupid, Grindr, and similar services can be really fantastic ways to meet people (as long as you don’t get addicted, as SO many of my friends have). I know plenty of folks who have turned online flirtations into offline relationships, but just as many who end up in unfulfilling cycles of serial dating.
The article’s not up on the magazine’s website yet, but my editor just sent the PDF to me. To read the whole thing, click here.
rkb:
Mark your calendars: December 7th 7-8 pm we are all doing a fun Twitter chat, hashtag #sexinbooks
Rachel Kramer Bussel (@raquelita)
Anna David (@annadavid)
Beth Griffenhagen (@thathaikugirl)
Kiri Blakely (@kiriblakeley)
Sascha Rothchild (@sascharothchild)
Judy McGuire (
Once you get to know each other’s bodies sex can become routine. Mix it up by slowing everything down. Bring back kissing and touching. You’ll be teasing yourself too but once you get going it will be explosive…
Author Anna David is best known for giving frank sex and relationship advice on show’s like G4 Network’s “Attack of the Show.” The author of “Party Girl” and “Bought” was living la vida single, getting older and running into all sorts of personal love drama. When David decided that she needed dating advice herself, she turned to Helen Gurley Brown’s 1960s guide “Sex and the Single Girl.” Helen Gurley Brown, of course, will eternally be Ms. Cosmpolitan Mag herself. The result is the hilarious new memoir, “Falling for Me.” I sat down with the brilliant and funny Anna David at The Jane Hotel in New York City to discuss her book and all of the controversy that it has generated. Our in depth conversation ranged from sex and feminism to feminity and Anna’s ‘Year of Living Helen’ adventures…
Anna David and Abiola Talk “Falling For Me” - exciting new memoir based on Helen Gurley Brown’s “Sex and the Single Girl!”
by Arielle Loren for Clutch Magazine
Audre Lorde once proclaimed that she wrote for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. When it comes to sex, fear is a catalyst for silence and preserving ignorance. It’s the stigma, slut-shaming, curiosity-muting behaviors of ordinary people that silence those who want to better understand themselves and their bodies. Desire is natural, but navigating the contemporary world of sex is an acquired skill. Thus, it is important for black women to learn, teach, and inspire each other to embrace their sexuality, preserve their health, and live their best sex lives.
Below is a list of 10 powerful black women sustaining the spirit of Audre Lorde, speaking our fears about sex, and encouraging us to respect our voice and curiosities. If you’ve ever had a question about sex go unanswered, know that these women are passionate about educating, sharing stories, and spreading knowledge.
I have no problem with pulling out being Cat’s go-to method of birth control. I’m not sure forgoing condoms is the best idea if you and your partner haven’t been tested for STIs and if you aren’t monogamous, but again, totally her call and her business. And I have no problem with her writing about her life and her experiences, as messy as they are. It is a True Fact that women are not perfect, and we sometimes (often) (always) make decisions that, when put on paper, look irresponsible or problematic or troubling. We shouldn’t deny the existence of certain experiences and choices, just because telling those stories could be anti-choice ammunition, or because we feel that one woman’s experiences make all of Womanhood look bad. We are human, and humans make mistakes, and what’s even a “mistake” is pretty variable depending on who you ask. So I’m not saying that women, even very public women, need to pretend to be perfect on the internet.
However. I have a big problem with the health editor of a major women’s site suggesting that all birth control except Plan B sucks, and so the women of New York should collectively have dudes come on our tits. Discussing one’s own experiences is one thing; universalizing one’s experiences and spreading misinformation is another, especially when the person doing the universalizing and misinforming is in a position of relative authority and influence.
"Some of us get lucky and meet the love of our lives while standing in line at the post office. Others may meet our life partners in the modern day meat market known as a bar.
Does the intellectual challenge of chess turn you on? No kidding, really? Well, do you have $10,000 to do something about it? Yeah, me either.
Still, you should check out this crazy hotness from Kiki de Montparnasse who collaborated with aruliden to create a 32 piece “uniquely luxurious chess set that combines strategy and sensuality.”
Checkmate, indeed.
*Mastur-chess is a word invented by me - JC @ OhMiBod. It is not approved or sanctioned by Kiki de Montparnasse.
Hugh Hefner’s “Girls Next Door” consists of the eternal trio of Holly, Bridget and Kendra. I had the opportunity recently to sit down with Bridget Marquardt, the new ambassador for Durex sex toys, at their “Get A Room Party” in Manhattan. Check out the video interview episode with Bridget’s Sex Tips.
If you know the popular radio host Michael Baisden then you can imagine the fantastic energy on the set of his current film project. I can’t give away any secrets but it was a great experience.
Michael Baisden, Media Personality and Author, is shooting a follow up relationships-themed documentary to Michael Baisden Presents: Love, Lust & Lies. He is also the best selling author of Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat, Men Cry in the Dark, The Maintenance Man, and God’s Gift to Women.
Join us to celebrate bestselling erotica author Zane and her new book The Hot Box on Shovio show Abiola on LSD: Love, Sex, Dating and Drama.
Chat on beam in and be a guest on your webcam. Zane will be giving advice and giving away free books at a fun virtual book release party. Buy The Hot Box by Zane wherever you buy books.
Join us Saturday August 21, 2010 from 8-9PM EST on www.Shovio.com for a special combined episode of Abiola on LSD with Abiola’s Kiss and Tell Live Revue.
ABOUT THE HOT BOX BY ZANE
The Hot Box by Zane Two women plus four men equals nothing but drama. “Hotbox” is a baseball drill that can be played with three or more players and two to four bases. The players take turns between being fielders and runners, ultimately trying to tag the rest of the players out. In “The Hot Box” by Zane, best friends Milena and Lydia are playing the game along with Jacour, Yosef, Glenn, and Phil. The only problem: the men do not realize that they are playing. Milena is a veterinarian who has lived a sheltered and dismal existence ever since leaving Jacour Bryant at the altar. Jacour had recently signed an eighty-five million dollar contract with the New York Yankees but Milena could not have cared less once she discovered his doggish ways. Jump ahead eight years and Jacour has returned to rural North Carolina to win Milena’s heart back… but there’s a serious problem. Milena has a new man; one that no one ever knew existed who has seemingly appeared out of nowhere. What ensues is a competition between Jacour and the mysterious and handsome stranger, Yosef, to win Milena’s heart, soul, and body that hasn’t been touched by a man in nearly a decade. Lydia is the complete opposite of Milena; she does not believe in recycling her virginity. In fact, she utilizes her sex daily to get what she wants. Working part-time as a grocery cashier is simply not the life that she desires. Residing with Glenn, her lover of three years, she is also sexually active with his best friend, Phil. Glenn is her Mr. Right but Phil is her Mr. Good Sex. Lydia dreams of getting away from small town America but, until she can make that happen, she is prepared to do whatever it takes to continue to have her bills paid… on time. Everything is all-good until Phil decides that he wants to change the parameters of their relationship, forcing Lydia to make a choice that she is clearly not prepared to make. Two women. Four men. Two love triangles. Three sections: Curveballs, Bases Loaded, and The Sweet Spot. Reading has never been this hot because once again, Zane is taking you outside of the box.
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Thanks LexiB for a great interview…
Find an excerpt below CLICK HERE TO READ THE ENTIRE ABIOLA INTERVIEW.
Take an extended visit to Planet Abiola where all women are pampered and empowered goddesses and are titillated by the hottest celebs and tales of love, sex and dating.
Yes, I’ll take an one-way ticket, please.
A woman with an infectious personality and many titles, Abiola Abrams has set the bar when it relates to blending the seductive topic of amour with the advances of social media.
Virtually holding a spot on almost every means of reaching the masses on the Net, the author of the highly praised novel, Dare and one of the most read sex and relationship columnists for Examiner.com has no intentions on slowing down and honestly, who would really want her to?
One of the few African American women to leave a more positive mark on reality television after her stint on VH1’s Tough Love, Abiola continues to heat things up in front of the camera with her new show on Shovio and her “Kiss N Tell” series which also shares its name with her monthly event at Madame X in New York.
And speaking of “Kiss N Tell,” … MORE…
