Abiola Abrams' TUMBLR | Author of Dare, TV Big Mouth, Passionista | Lifestyle Expert As seen on MTV's "MADE"
Three African American women at the state fair, ph. Frances Benjamin Johnston, ca. 1903
Today’s Passionista XO…
This is how some cosmetics companies try to make us feel.
From the portfolio of 15-year-old photographer Eleanor Hardwick. (via A Common Collective)
Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live. Here’s this week’s column:
Greetings Gorgeous Ones,
This week was a delicious scandal. I interviewed bestselling writer Mary B. Morrison and we laughed our Jimmy Choos off, discussing women, self-love, gratification and our bodies.
This theme followed me last night into a fabulous sidewalk café. A woman approached the table asking if she could speak with me. Most fans just wave but something in her manner concerned me so to the annoyance of my date I said yes. What can I say? He should have stepped up his conversation game. I was bored and glad for the distraction. Jessica sat down. She was 24, beautiful and hated her body. She said that men didn’t like her because she was fat. She needed advice.
We see 4,000 ads a day telling us what’s wrong with us and how to fix it. Hip Hop for Health’s Shades of Beauty has wonderful seminars about our body image issues. Everyone’s on a diet but Americans are fatter than ever because the issue is mental. Recently I screamed “Hey Skinny!” at my girlfriend Tina. She was in tears. I didn’t know that Tina had always been teased for being too slim in a family that prized bootyliciousness. You can shout “Hey Skinny” at me any day. Similarly, Tina called me “thick thighs.” My thighs are my point of dreadful fixation but to her this was a compliment.
Last season at the premiere of BET J’s Best Shorts my image came up on the screen and I looked beyond zaftig. Another friend said, you’ve lost so much weight since then. That was yesterday, I explained. The camera and unflattering gold dresses add poundage but she believed the image of me on the screen instead of me right beside her.
The magical pill is radical self-acceptance, Jessica. Men aren’t turned off by your fat. They’re turned off by your insecurity and desperation. They’re thinking; if you don’t like you then why should I?
If you must lose weight, start with one bite less at each meal and dance for an hour every morning. Dress for your body type and love yourself. Bravissima, bella. Now pass the dark chocolate!
xoxo,
Abiola
Abiola Abrams is a BET personality, author, filmmaker and motivator. Email your questions from Abiola’s interactive site www.thegoddessfactory.com or myspace.com/goddessfactory. You can buy her debut novel Dare in any bookstore and watch The Planet Abiola Show on blackplanet.com.
My mom just called to tell me that Leona Lewis is on American Idol. We found out today via massive Guyanese email chain that her dad is Guyanese. Her mom is Welch. I feel like when Oprah said that when she was a kid they’d call each other and yell, “Colored people on TV!!” LOL Leona is pretty awesome, though. You gotta admit it!! Totally due to her Guyanese heritage, I am sure. By the way, even though she was already a best-selling artist worldwide, she was told to lose weight and sexy up to make it in America. Some thing’s wrong here, kids!
Yolanda Shoshana - life style coach- is one of the coolest women I know. Here’s a quote: “To Live Lusciously is a lifestyle: a flux based in personal brilliance, the power of presence, and the flair of living to your full potential!” Yes! Of course, we LOVE that over here. She has declared “National Single Women’s Day” in the fall. I love it! I will definitely include that in my new line of greeting cards. Here’s what she says: “I know that my Mr. Right is out there somewhere, so I am not stressing. In the meantime, I continue to rock being single! In fact ladies I am declaring a holiday for single women. That’s right… Single Women’s Day will be on October 18th (also the Sweetest Day). More information is coming, but mark your calendars… we single gals need a day too…” Stay luscious, Shoshi” Hey— why not? My National Day of Self Love has been in the works, but meanwhile: Luscious Lifestyle Diva: http://www.yolandashoshana.blogspot.com/ Yay!
Dear Lance,
I am looking forward to writing this letter because usually I am shaking my head or wagging my finger when I offer unsolicited celebrity advice. However, I am writing to give you a great big, “Way to go, Lance!”
So you’ve declared, “It’s time for me to stand up,” and recorded a PSA in support of gay teens for the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN). That is AWESOME. Your spot debuts today to set up the 11th annual National Day of Silence on April 25, when students take a vow of silence to protest bullying, harassment and discrimination in schools. Being that I was bullied horribly for being “foreign” (although I was born here) I know the nightmare that is youth on youth harassment. Being bullied changes you.
Good for you for standing up and having pride in yourself although you coming out was less than shocking for most people. Continued success, Lance!
Oh, um, another thing. I almost hate to bring this up but you also said that there is a chance that N’Sync will make another album. Hmmmm. Lance… Wow. Should we really revisit that? While I am in favor of people living their dreams, mayyyyybe this isn’t the route to take. I’m just sayin.’ I would just look forward to a Lance project instead. Just sayin’…
Yay- Lance!
xo,
a.
Check Lance out here on EXTRA.
UPDATE!!! CC: CLAY AIKEN…
MOST BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ISSUE
If only the teenage Abiola Abrams could see herself now. The multimedia diva once dreamed of becoming an actress but as soon as that dream came true, Abrams realized that the quality of interesting roles for women of color was sorely lacking. “It was too passive a space for me,” the New York City-born-and-bred, Guyanese-rooted beauty explains of being on the big screen. Instead, Abrams decided to broadcast her very active ideas as a filmmaker, writer and TV personality. And whether she’s chatting away on television as the host of BET’s The Best Shorts, directing award-winning short films like Knives in My Throat, or conquering the virtual world with her daily online show Planet Abiola and her blog The Goddess Factory, or novel Dare, Abrams is spreading her gospel of “empowering people culturally, emotionally, sexually and politically,” across every possible media platform. “I use pop culture to remind people to love themselves already, damn it,” laughs Abrams. So how does the unabashed feminist, activist and self-love guru define herself? “I am the daughter of Madonna and Oprah Winfrey, Cosmo and Ms., Candida Royalle and Eve Ensler. I was born to talk to people.” Kate Bernstein
Abiola wears a dress by Rock & Republic, shoes by Bruno Frisoni and necklace, earrings and bracelet by Abiola for Gemstone King. Fragrance: Baby Phat Goddess.
Special thanks to Kwasi Asare at Bad Boy. Episode directed and edited by Kristal Mosley. Filmed by Patrick Reis, Kanokon Sookaram and Harry Watson II.
WHO IS AFRODITE? You’ve seen Afrodite as a teen out maybe a little too late with people you are sure that her mom wouldn’t approve of. You remember Afrodite sitting across from you in High School in a killer mini, and it was funny in college when that dude would always drop something so that she would have to bend over to pick it up. You have enjoyed Afrodite shaking what her mama gave her in music video after music video. You have seen Afrodite displaying her ample ass on the covers of magazines, and letting you know that she is not the girl next door, but the bitch down the street. Afrodite’s body is everywhere, but her words are not, her mind is not, her thoughts are absent. Or maybe, they were here all along, and you just never noticed them.
Venus Hottentot was an early Afrodite; her ample booty on display as she stood caged in museums and freak shows from London to Paris. I wrote Afrodite Superstar to reclaim her voice, yours, and my own. AIDS and HIV numbers continue to rise with women of color being the biggest victims. This is mostly because of our lack of honest conversations, stigmas and taboos in areas of sexuality. Women’s pleasure is seen as dangerous worldwide. This is why FGM persists overseas. This is why Afrodite Speaks.
